The enneagram (any-a-gram) is an ancient tool for understanding human psyche through nine personality types. How we view ourselves, how we interact with others, and what our default tendencies are, can be instructive and hugely interesting. The way you discover your type is simply by reading descriptions of the nine types and discerning which comes closest to capturing you. Of course everyone is a unique version of one of the types and, unlike other personality tests, the discovery process itself is a journey.
There are a lot of resources out there on the enneagram. Someone I trust recommended this one, and it was an excellent place to start because the book is simple, clear and engaging. The authors do a good job of introducing the enneagram and I appreciate their perspective on its use. Self-awareness is a positive thing. I know I will be referring back to this book in future, and it has given me an excellent background. I was delighted to discover that Stabile has another book coming out soon about enneagram in relationships (The Path Between Us), and the authors have a podcast: The Road Back to You Podcast
Though knowing your type and those of others can be helpful in a relationship like marriage or with colleagues in the workplace, it’s not something you can figure out for someone else.This is not a spectator sport! You can wonder and speculate for someone who hasn’t undergone the process, and even that may be revealing for you, but you can’t say, “oh you are such a three” or “stop being such an eight” or “I know exactly what number you are.” That’s not how it works. This is a personal journey. Just like in The Horse and His Boy (Chronicles of Narnia), Aslan says, “I am telling you your story, not hers. No one is told any story but their own.”